Carrier Pigeon Service.

Pigeon-by-pigeon.

BrexVPN's pigeon programme was established in 2025 after Derek had a strong opinion about email. We currently maintain a flock of 14 pigeons (named, individually, after former Prime Ministers; the difficult ones are named after former Chancellors).

Sending us a pigeon

1. Request a pigeon below. We will post one to you (in a ventilated box).
2. Affix your message (max. 280 characters) to the leg.
3. Release in a north-westerly direction during daylight hours.
4. Pigeon arrives at our loft. Derek removes message. Reads it. Frowns.
5. Reply is dispatched the following Tuesday.

Range and reliability

• Within 200 miles of Frensham: 89% delivery rate.
• Scotland: 51% (the highlands cause some confusion).
• Northern Ireland: 22% (the pigeons "refuse").
• Channel Islands: not supported. The pigeons cannot, by law, cross the Channel.

Our pigeons

• Winston — the fastest. Reserved for urgent matters.
• Maggie — best wayfinder. Indomitable.
• Theresa — gets lost between Reading and Newbury approximately 40% of the time.
• Boris — has been known to land at the wrong loft and refuse to leave for several days.
• Liz — has flown precisely 49 days. We retired her.
• Rishi — surprisingly reliable. Often returns with a small soft bag of crisps.
• Keir — moves slowly but consistently. Has not yet missed a delivery.
• Nigel — our most prized bird. Will only fly to the Daily Express building.