Press the Big Red Button.

A range of outcomes.

The Big Red Button is connected, via a USB-to-string interface, to Brian's laptop in Sevenoaks. Each press triggers a randomly-selected response from our patented Sovereignty Outcomes Database™ (an Excel spreadsheet maintained by Derek).

Possible outcomes

• A Guardian article is silently downgraded from "trending" to "obscure".
• A BBC weather forecast is overridden to read "lovely".
• Brian's kettle is remotely switched on.
• Nothing happens. (40% of outcomes.)
• A Union Jack is briefly displayed on a Welsh website.
• The wifi on a single oat-milk producer's office goes down for 90 seconds.
• A new Hobnob is added to Derek's biscuit drawer.
• Margaret Thatcher's face is added, faintly, to every PDF generated in the EU for 0.6 seconds.
• You feel slightly better about yourself.

Cooldown

The button has a strict cooldown of zero seconds. We considered adding one, but Derek said "what's the point". Mash away.

Is the button real?

The button on this page is a faithful simulation of the actual Big Red Button in the Portakabin. The actual button is, however, made of an old doorbell from Wickes (£3.99), mounted on a piece of plywood, and is connected to nothing.