BrexVPN — Take Back Control Of Your Internet

The BrexVPN Filter™

We Block The Bias. You Get The Truth.

Our patented Sovereignty Engine uses a list of words handwritten by Derek to scrub the internet of woke opinions before they reach your screen.

Blocked

🚫 Sources We Filter

"Mainstream Media", as we have learned to call it.

✕ The BBC leftist
✕ The Guardian extreme woke
✕ Channel 4 News woke
✕ Wikipedia (the History pages) revisionist
✕ The Met Office alarmist
✕ Anything ending in .eu on principle
✕ Greggs (vegan section only) unnatural

Allowed

✅ Trusted Sources

Curated by a panel of three retired Colonels and a chap called Nigel.

✓ GB News verified
✓ Tweets by Elon Musk priority
✓ The Telegraph (letters page) essential
✓ Truth Social, every post verbatim
✓ Forwarded WhatsApps from Karen unfiltered
✓ The Daily Mail comments (not articles) vital
✓ Mumsnet (Brexit megathread only) scholarly

Patriot-grade protection

Engineered in Britain.
For the British.

No silicon valley algorithms, no Brussels bureaucracy. Just one Dell tower in a Portakabin behind a garden centre in Surrey, doing the Lord's work.

Sovereign Browsing

All your internet traffic is routed through a single laptop owned by Brian in Kent, ensuring it stays within the spiritual boundaries of the United Kingdom.

Brian is on holiday between Aug 14–22. Speeds may vary.

The Sovereignty Engine™

Our proprietary AI (a list of 2,300 trigger words on a spreadsheet) automatically replaces inflammatory phrases with calming alternatives. "Heatwave" becomes "lovely weather". "Crisis" becomes "minor inconvenience".

"Migrant" is currently being reviewed.

Military-Grade Encryption

Inspired by the Enigma machine, our encryption is so strong even we can't read it, which is why we've stopped trying. Probably for the best.

"Military-grade" refers to the Home Guard, est. 1940.

Tabloid Mode

One click reformats every website into the visual style of a 1996 newspaper. Comic Sans headlines, 24-point red text, and at least one shouting man per page.

Now with optional Page 3 (subject to upgrade).

Empire Time™

All timestamps automatically converted to British Summer Time, including those in foreign countries. Australians need not apply.

Greenwich. Mean. Time.

No Pop-ups, No EU Cookies

We've blocked every GDPR consent banner ever made. Yes, this is illegal. No, we don't care. The Brussels lawyers can't reach us in the Portakabin.

By using BrexVPN you waive all rights, several of which have not been invented yet.

Three plans · One Nation

Choose Your Level of Sovereignty.

All plans include free postage of a small Union Jack flag and one (1) Yorkshire teabag, posted second class.

Tier I

Patriot

For the everyday Englishman.

£4.99/month

Normally £6.99 · You save £2 a month, like a true Brit

Block 5 woke websites of your choosing
1 device (your iPad, presumably)
Basic Sovereignty Engine™
Daily GB News briefing email
Tabloid Mode
Access to the Colonels' Lounge

No commitment, no kneeling.

★ Most Popular ★

Tier II

Empire

The plan we recommend for the British public.

£12.99/month

Normally £47.99 · 73% off forever

Block unlimited woke websites
5 devices (yours, the wife's, two for the grandkids, one for the dog)
Advanced Sovereignty Engine™
Tabloid Mode included
Free pint at any Wetherspoons (Tuesdays)
Empire Time™ across all time zones

73% off applies to the first month. Then it's £47.99. Read the small print, you absolute legend.

Tier III

Churchill

Lifetime sovereignty. Never speak of it again.

£3,499one-time

Lifetime is defined as the lifetime of BrexVPN Ltd, currently 14 months old.

Everything in Empire, forever
Unlimited devices & vehicles
Your own dedicated server (it's still Brian's laptop, but yours)
Personal callback from "Nigel" within 6–8 weeks
Signed photograph of a swan
Inclusion on the Wall of Heroes (Portakabin foyer)

Not THAT Nigel. A different Nigel.

Real Britons. Real Stories.

Believed by Thousands. Verified by Several.

Reviews collected from genuine subscribers via comment cards in the Wetherspoons in Clacton. Names changed only where they were a bit much.

★ Patriot of the Month ★

★★★★★

"Got my England Back, sorted me Wi-Fi an' all."

Right, I'll be honest with ya — I weren't even sure what a VPN was. Thought it were a tablet for me knees. But the lad in the pub said it stops the BBC, and the wife said for £4.99 it can stop whatever it bloody well likes. Cracking bit of kit. Now me phone only shows The Daily Express, the dog's racist, and I've not seen Keir Starmer in three weeks. Magic.

Gary Farge

Romford · Empire Plan · Member since Brexit

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🇬🇧 ✓ Verified

✓ Verified

★★★★★

"Cured my arthritis."

Used to get The Guardian pushed into my Facebook feed and it would flare up something rotten. Two weeks on Empire Plan and I haven't seen a single article about Gaza. Knee's never been better. Cracking stuff.

John T., 78

Clacton-on-Sea · Patriot since launch

✓ Verified

★★★★★

"At last, an internet that respects me."

I asked my BrexVPN to define "patriarchy" and it told me to put the kettle on instead. That's the kind of common sense I voted for in 2016. The Tabloid Mode is also marvellous — Wikipedia now has a Page 3.

Derek W., 64

Skegness · Lifetime Churchill member

✓ Verified

★★★★★

"I haven't heard of Greta in months."

My grandson tried to send me a TikTok about climate change and it arrived as a recipe for Spotted Dick. He's furious. I am, frankly, thriving. The dog seems calmer too. 11/10, would Brexit again.

Margaret H., 71

Tunbridge Wells · Empire Plan

✓ Verified

★★★★☆

"Marriage saved."

The wife had started watching Channel 4 News during dinner. BrexVPN replaced Krishnan Guru-Murthy with reruns of Bullseye. We are happier than we have been in 30 years. One star off because Bully sometimes glitches.

Brian P., 69

Frinton · Empire Plan

✓ Verified

★★★★★

"It's like 1953, but with broadband."

I logged on and the first thing I saw was a man in a tweed jacket. The second thing was another man, also in a tweed jacket. By Tuesday I had won a competition to meet Nigel Farage at a Beefeater in Romford. Cannot fault it.

Reginald C., 82

Bognor Regis · Patriot Plan

✓ Verified

★★★★★

"The dog now barks at solar panels."

Within a fortnight of installing BrexVPN, our Jack Russell Boris started growling at heat pumps and wagging his tail at petrol stations. We had not trained him to do this. I think it's the Wi-Fi.

Sandra E., 67

Worthing · Empire Plan + Dog

Frequently Asked Questions

Common Concerns. Common Sense Answers.

If your question isn't here, please write a strongly-worded letter to The Telegraph and we'll see it eventually.

Is BrexVPN actually a VPN?

Technically. Loosely. Spiritually. The acronym stands for "Very Patriotic Network", which is a different sort of VPN than the one you may be familiar with from those Nord adverts on YouTube. Our network is private in the sense that very few people are on it.

Status: under review by the Advertising Standards Authority since March.

How do you decide what is "woke"?

A panel of three retired Colonels meet every Tuesday in a back room of The Red Lion in Maidenhead. They review submissions on index cards. If two out of three Colonels frown, the content is added to the blocklist. If all three frown, it is added in bold.

The fourth Colonel resigned in 2024 over the inclusion of Bake Off.

Can I still access my online banking?

This depends entirely on which bank you use. NatWest is blocked. Lloyds is allowed but only on Wednesdays. Monzo we have never heard of. We strongly recommend keeping your money in a biscuit tin, like your parents did.

BrexVPN is not authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority and does not wish to be.

Does BrexVPN protect me from hackers?

Foreign hackers, yes. British hackers, no — we consider them entrepreneurs. If you are hacked by someone in Hartlepool, please consider it a compliment.

What if I want to read the BBC News?

You have made a grave error in subscribing to BrexVPN. Please return your Union Jack flag and Yorkshire teabag in the prepaid envelope provided. Your refund will be processed in 6–18 months, in cash, by a man called Trevor.

Is the "73% off forever" deal actually forever?

Yes, forever, where "forever" is defined under Clause 14b as "the first calendar month". After that the price returns to the standard £47.99 per month, billed annually, in advance, with a £30 admin fee for processing your patriotism.

This is industry standard practice. Don't take it personally.

Will BrexVPN slow down my internet?

It depends on the time of day and whether Brian is at lunch. Speeds of up to 73 Mbps are possible if you are within 4 miles of the Portakabin. If you live in Scotland we recommend you reduce expectations and possibly your reliance on the internet generally.

Can children use BrexVPN?

We strongly encourage it. Our Junior Patriot mode automatically replaces all references to "they/them" with the phrase "in my day" and converts every history lesson into a documentary about trains.

Educational outcomes not guaranteed. May affect GCSEs.

Is BrexVPN endorsed by Nigel Farage?

Mr Farage has neither endorsed nor declined to endorse BrexVPN. We have, however, received a Christmas card from his postman, which we have framed and displayed in the foyer of the Portakabin. We consider this a tacit blessing.

What's the actual refund policy?

30 days, no questions asked, except for the following questions, which will be asked: Are you sure? Why are you really cancelling? Did the wife make you? Have you tried turning it off and on again? Can we interest you in the Churchill plan? Are you sure?

Refunds processed via second-class post. Funds may take 3-6 months to materialise.

Take Back
Control Of Your Internet.

We Block The Bias. You Get The Truth.

🚫 Sources We Filter

✅ Trusted Sources

Engineered in Britain.
For the British.

Sovereign Browsing

The Sovereignty Engine™

Military-Grade Encryption

Tabloid Mode

Empire Time™

No Pop-ups, No EU Cookies

Choose Your Level of Sovereignty.

Patriot

Empire

Churchill

Servers in every corner of the United Kingdom.

Believed by Thousands. Verified by Several.

"Got my England Back, sorted me Wi-Fi an' all."

"Cured my arthritis."

"At last, an internet that respects me."

"I haven't heard of Greta in months."

"Marriage saved."

"It's like 1953, but with broadband."

"The dog now barks at solar panels."

Common Concerns. Common Sense Answers.

Your country is waiting.
Get BrexVPN today.

We Block The Bias. You Get The Truth.

🚫 Sources We Filter

✅ Trusted Sources

Engineered in Britain.For the British.

Sovereign Browsing

The Sovereignty Engine™

Military-Grade Encryption

Tabloid Mode

Empire Time™

No Pop-ups, No EU Cookies

Choose Your Level of Sovereignty.

Patriot

Empire

Churchill

Servers in every corner of the United Kingdom.

Believed by Thousands. Verified by Several.

"Got my England Back, sorted me Wi-Fi an' all."

"Cured my arthritis."

"At last, an internet that respects me."

"I haven't heard of Greta in months."

"Marriage saved."

"It's like 1953, but with broadband."

"The dog now barks at solar panels."

Common Concerns. Common Sense Answers.

Your country is waiting.Get BrexVPN today.

Engineered in Britain.
For the British.

Your country is waiting.
Get BrexVPN today.