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Home · Company · Affiliate Programme

Refer a Patriot. Earn Toffees.

BrexVPN runs the United Kingdom's only confectionery-based affiliate programme. For every patriot you refer, we post you sweets. Real ones. By second-class post. Wrapped in a Union Jack napkin.

How it works

Three steps to a tin.

Forget cash. Forget gift cards. Forget those tedious "1% commission per click" schemes operated by the Americans. We pay in actual confectionery, posted from the Portakabin, by Brian.

1.
Sign up below
2.
Share your link
3.
Receive toffees
4.
Continue browsing
Commission tiers

Pick your rank.

Toffee count is based on confirmed sign-ups. A "confirmed" sign-up means the referred patriot has paid for at least one month and has not been refunded by Trevor.

Recruit

1–9

referrals per quarter
5 toffees per referral
  • Murray Mints (assorted)
  • Welcome card from Brian
  • Listed in the Affiliate Bulletin (annual)
Toffees shipped quarterly. Royal Mail strikes excepted.
Brigadier

50+

referrals per quarter
12 toffees per referral + Quality Street tin (Christmas)
  • Personal letter from Brian
  • Engraved nameplate in the Portakabin foyer
  • Tour of the HQ (Thursdays)
  • Right to wear an affiliate sash at public events
Toffees shipped quarterly. Royal Mail strikes excepted.
Top earners

This quarter's leaderboard.

The following affiliates have outdone themselves. Brian has personally written to each and is in the process of dispatching their confectionery (subject to availability at the local Tesco Express).

  1. 🥇 Marjorie H., Frinton — 312 sign-ups · 2,496 toffees
  2. 🥈 Geoffrey W., Bognor — 287 sign-ups · 2,296 toffees
  3. 🥉 The Bishop of Maidstone (anonymous) — 241 sign-ups · 1,928 toffees
  4. Karen M., Tunbridge Wells — 198 · 1,584 toffees
  5. "DerekFromTheLodge", location withheld — 174 · 1,392 toffees
  6. Reginald P., Skegness — 161 · 1,288 toffees

Promotional materials

Affiliates may distribute the following officially-sanctioned BrexVPN marketing assets:

  • A4 poster: "GREGGS HAS GONE WOKE — FIGHT BACK"
  • Window sticker: "THIS HOUSEHOLD VOTED LEAVE AND USES BREXVPN"
  • Beer mat (for The Red Lion only)
  • Pew leaflet (for sympathetic parish churches)
  • A photocopy of an article from the Daily Express. Any article.

What we don't allow

  • Adverts on the BBC.
  • Adverts on any site ending in .eu.
  • Influencer marketing of any kind (Derek "doesn't trust them").
  • Any mention of "growth hacking", "engagement funnels", or "user acquisition" — we find the language distasteful.